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Monday, April 16, 2012

missing my mother ...

Let me introduce you to my lovely mum ... I was trying to think of a catchy title, but I can't grab one from anywhere!!

Hessen Park, Germany

This photograph was taken in 2010 on her first visit to Germany.  She had been hesitant to visit but once she was here, she loved it.  She loved how clean it was and how nice the locals were to her.  We had a lovely summer that year and that always has the feel good factor too. She even tried to speak some German too ... she amazes me!! She would say Thanka schön (Danke schön) to the postman.  We did have some sniggering going on from all of us after that.  haha

This is one of the hardest things about living in Germany - being so far away from her.  She is at the stage in her life were her memory is starting to fade.  Not just names and birthdays ... but has progressed to having blank outs and not knowing where she is or where she should be going.  I am sooo grateful to family back there who watch out for her, but it really isn't the same as being there and being hands on myself.  I spoke to someone the other day and she complained to me about doing something for her mother and it pulled at my heart strings.  I would love to be close enough to run simple errands for my mum and just nip out for lunch together. I know being here is limiting the memories we can make at the moment.  I think this makes the memories we do have even more precious. I am grateful that geographically we can travel back to the UK whilst we still have our nearest and dearest with us to enjoy.

When we were discussing our move to Germany as a family, I was excited to call my mum and tell her what was going on but was expecting a very different response from her.  Surprisingly she was very supportive and encouraged us to do what was best for my husband's career and that the children would be fine regardless.  I expected her to say ... "You can't go - it's too far!!" Her support made the move so much easier to make.  She has always been a very supportive mother regardless of the choices in life I have made.

Like I said in 2010, two years after we had relocated she came to visit us, and I suspect it will be her one and only visit. She does ask when she can visit again but I don't think she's well enough to make the journey.  Deep down I think she knows that too. I feel it's so important to be grateful for what I have and have had, rather than dwelling on what I haven't .... 

Here we are together ... twins? haha

Look at that beautiful blue German sky!! Oh I am so looking forward to the summer!!  We had a lovely morning together on this particular morning visiting some local places nearby.   

One of the hardest things is seeing her health deteriorate.  Although she has survived heart attacks and a major stroke, watching her memory fading is really difficult. And we are really only just scraping at the surface.  Thankfully she is accepting help from her doctor and is undergoing some tests to see if there is anything that can be done to slow down the memory loss.  I will keep you posted on how that goes.

This is my favourite photograph of us both.  We don't have many photographs really so this one is precious to me!  It certainly depicts the following saying;
I am so grateful for her!! Roll on the summer months when we can visit again.  This year we have chosen to take her on holiday with us so we get to spend some quality time together.  I am so looking foward to that!! Just adding the pieces bit by bit to make it  .... a Happy Life.  

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